Of all the things that amuses me, delights me, upsets me, make me ponder, is how female friendships work. First we get all excited to share everything with this one special female friend in our lives. We never met someone so cool and easy-going like her and then things get ugly with bickers and backstabs and criticism. And then, everything that has been accomplished- support, trust, companionship; all destroyed. Where has this come to?

I met someone yesterday whom I kept running into and honestly speaking, I'm never very pleased in seeing her again. Not just I was reminded of how the friendship had gone kapoops but also, I was reminded of how naive I was as a freshie-out-of-school and beguiling i was not to see the tell-tale signs of getting my ass kicked around. Forgiveness is an elusive idea, but ignorance is a faster one. But oh well,I lived. Yet again.

And I woke up to a brewing war this morning, was given the option to put in my so-called support to inflict shame onto someone else who apparently has done too much in her right mind to ridicule a dear friend of mine. Dont get me wrong here. I do support and love my friend. But to do that in the expense of another person' s feelings; doesnt matter what she has done (secretly behind our backs), that just feels...bad. It'll just be the same as stooping to her level. Does support has to be so 'evil'? I thought it's supposed to bring people stronger; not just friend-power, but this is soul-talk. As much as I soooo do want to bring that person to a physciatrist and get her emotions in check, there is practically nothing else OTHER PEOPLE can do if she has these opinions about my friend. And not to forget it was a public viewing pleasure, it's going to ruin reputations on both sides and even those who get themselves involved. (Self-respect. We ladies need self-respect. All the time we heard sayings of how people lack the respect for women but we tend to forget it has to come from within ourselves first.)

Ive succumbed to a realization. Am really thankful for having a smaller group of girlfriends whom i can really trust. Of course I experienced alot in finding out who they are, and and finding who i am, that's expansion of our higher selves. I guess that's really important as quality control. I don't really expect alot of people to trust me since i trust only these few people in my life.

And so, i didnt take up that option. I hugged my pillow and watched TV.