Was doing so well in forgetting him and moving on, until I dreamt of him yesterday. It felt just like three months ago. Urgh!!. Back to square one! fuck! this is horrible okay..I don't wanna feel like I miss him. Tsk. I must be crazy.

one more week before I get the hell out of the bank. Freedom is at the tip of my toes. And what a surprise I had when a lady introduced herself to me and caught me up for lunch. And suddenly I found myself a mentor and a friend. She was supposedly replacing the big boss's role, and I had no idea until I asked her about her job scope. But she's super real. And she said I reminded her of herself 12 years ago. That's inspiring enough for me to hear!! Since I'm only left with a few more days there, the least I could do is to show her around the workplace areas for food so she don't coop herself in the office during lunch with all the mindless numb-skulls.

Lately I've been thinking bout my life and the friendships I have.. I can't admit it enough, that I only have a few friends, or regarded as friends..but these few people have been there for me throughout most of everything that has happened to me. The good the bad, the very best and the very worse of me. Generally I don't express myself enough to let people in or give any chances of understanding me(cos I don't really care), or they just don't even bother about my existence, I tend to get very indifferent and avoid people altogether. But somehow, I realized there are those few who got my back and didn't shun me away no matter what I did. I feel really blessed for having them in my life. Only god knows how much I love them.

Hari raya haji makes me think of nenek and atok. If they were still around, they'll definitely nagged me for not being religious enough like I used to when I was younger. I know I've sinned for not doing anything about it. I just need someone to motivate me into doing it. But yeah, all I want was a last hug from them.