Paper cranes

How do i deal with this? The fact that i had the chance but i wanted to choose my work instead. The chemistry was there, everything felt right. Saw me through my most invisible phase , it felt really awesome. And manifest me as faster as i thought it could. Can i stand being apart? Can i say the things i wanted without feeling so torn apart after that? but i don't feel anything now.Have i given up? Really. Am i ready? I could be before... I'm not sure now..